Chapter 40: Infinite Sequence

The heat doesn’t dissipate.
Even after sweating, changing clothes, and having dinner, my heart keeps beating faster than usual.

Sitting on the roof, I gaze at the distant [Church]. There are no stars in the night sky, but a faint light illuminates the whole area. Once your eyes get used to it, visibility isn’t an issue.

Lila climbed up.

“Itsuki! What are you doing?”
“As you can see, just spacing out.”

“You’ll catch a cold if your body gets cold. If you catch a cold, you’ll sneeze.”
“That’s true.”

“You should drink cocoa. Cocoa is good for the night.”
“Thanks.”

I accept the cup Lila hands me. Holding it with both hands, it radiates a gently warm temperature. It’s sweet. Since it’s dissolved in milk, it’s smooth and calming.

“This milk and cocoa were brought by you, Itsuki. Everyone downstairs is happy.”
“That’s good to hear.”

The people living in the Area 4 often haven’t been back above ground for a long time. If they go camping, they can get food, and they can exchange collected items for half the usual price. However, things like luxury items are apparently hard to come by.

When I brought milk and cocoa bought before our departure, they were delighted. Joe-san told me, “Next time, bring cigarettes,” but that’s a criminal act, so I declined.

Sitting on the edge of the roof, Lila swings her legs back and forth.

“If only there were factories in the dungeon.”
“It would be troublesome if Grids attacked. They come out from weird places at the gates.”

That goes for adventurers too. If humans suddenly appeared in the middle of a production line, it would be more than just a mere problem.

But that could probably be avoided to some extent. The adventurers’ transfer destinations are somewhat limited despite being random. Specifically, they don’t get transferred close to the next gate. There’s no unfair advantage like exiting one gate only to immediately find the next one.

Lila stops swinging her legs after a bit and looks at me intently.

“If Grids were gone, it might be possible.”
“Gone, you say…”

Our eyes meet, and I understand what she’s implying. I also grasp the meaning of what Shiraishi-san conveyed.

Mid-November. Adventurers gathered from all over the country will be sent to the [Scorching Mines]. By then, it won’t be something that can be settled with a mere conquest.

It’s war. To eradicate the Grids from the Tokyo dungeon.

“How human we are.”
“What do you mean?”

“No, it’s nothing.”
“You’re called to go too, right?”

“Seems like it… But I’m not sure if I’ll go.”
“I see.”

Lila doesn’t push much at times like this. I appreciate her sense of distance.

We are not the same. But we have common points. However, I’m the only one who knows that. I found out by searching the internet. Feeling guilty about that, I open my lips.

“The truth is, I don’t have either parent. I’ve been living with my younger brothers and sisters, six of us together.”
“Is that so?”

“That’s why I can’t just die.”

I can’t let my family be out on the streets. I don’t want to lose any more.
I grip the cup tighter.

Lila looks up at the sky, digesting my words for a while. She slowly turns her head to look at me.

“…Do you, Itsuki, think dying is a bad thing?”
“Huh?”

I didn’t understand the meaning of her words, so I didn’t reply with anything. Lila stares into my eyes intently. The girl sitting next to me seems more mature than usual.

She looks beyond my words, into the core of my being. Her clear blue eyes reflect the depths of my heart.

“If, if Itsuki could see his mother and father again, what would you want them to say? Do you wish for an apology?”
“No. I don’t think so. But… they will probably apologize. Both Mom and Dad would definitely apologize.”

Father, in particular, would feel responsible. He seemed carefree in the past, but now I understand. He always gritted his teeth to protect the family.

“It’s not that I want an apology…”

If I could see them again. If I could talk to them even a little.

I just want them to listen. To know we are doing our best to live.
I just want them to see us. To see how much we’ve grown since those days.

“’Scarlet Tears’ lost comrades many times. The further you proceed in a dungeon, the harsher it becomes. Among them were people Lila knew. Lila cried a lot. Everyone cries a lot.”

Comrades who fought side by side for years would be almost like family. Losing them would deeply scar the heart. Eventually, none of the party returned. Rira lost almost everything that could be called her childhood.

And yet.
How can she still stay so cheerful?

Lila reaches out towards the sky.

“But death isn’t the end. It’s a continuation. Even if Lila loses, someone else will carry on. It might be you, Itsuki. Or someone else unknown. But someone will definitely carry it on.”

It’s a prayer to something more certain than a god.

I place my hand on my chest. The magic from Haruto-san etched onto this body. Kirishima-san keeps running, Shiraishi-san took my hand, and then the baton was passed to me. Is this the end of the line for this baton? No—

“There will be people to carry on for you too, Itsuki. Don’t worry. Lila has already become one of those people.”
“…Oh, I see. That’s right.”

Even if there comes a time when I vanish from this world. There are precious people flashing behind my closed lids.

They are not so weak that they cannot live without me. I am not alone to the point where I must carry everything by myself. It took quite a while for me to realize such a thing.

There were people who entrusted things to me.
There are people who will be entrusted with things.

In this endlessly continuing chain, I exist.
This is not the end. From the moment I was born, I’ve been inside.

“Thank you, Lila.”
“Lila wasn’t expecting to be thanked. To imitate Joe, ‘I’ve got no reason to be thanked.’”

“Why are you imitating Joe?”
“That way of speaking must also be continued by someone.”

“No, no, no need for that.”

That way of speaking is only acceptable from Joe-san, given his appearance. If others tried it, they’d be distanced by everyone.

“Hey, Itsuki.”
“Yeah?”

“I’d like to meet your family someday. Lila is really interested.”
“I’ll ask them when I get back.”

Sena and Seika might like Lila’s hair and eyes.

“I’ll make sure to talk with my family properly.”
“Good. The most important thing is proper communication.”

I couldn’t help but look at Lila’s smiling face.