Chapter 10: The Blind Monomaniac’s Infatuation ⑤

A love that lasted half a year ended without my feelings ever being confessed.

“If we fall, we’ll fall together.”

Tama-san had someone who would say those words directly to him.

My love was doomed from the start. Realizing that broke my heart, and I gave up. But that doesn’t mean my heart immediately moved on to the next thing.

I’d been in love for nearly half a year. I couldn’t just shake off Tama-san and start looking for a new romance. While I could easily find a trial boyfriend, I wasn’t in the mood for that anytime soon.

This love had crumbled.

Every night, I’d think of Tama-san’s face, but I didn’t cry into my pillow. Instead, I just carried this restless feeling in my chest.

“He’s the kind of man who drives people to their deaths and laughs, saying, ‘Serves you right.’”

That day, Master had told me about Tama-san’s true nature.

She didn’t tell me everything about his past, but I could tell it wasn’t a lie meant to make me give up—it was the truth.

The kind of raw honesty people hide out of fear of criticism or condemnation. Tama-san always spoke his mind, unfiltered, even if it made those who valued societal rules and morals uncomfortable.

Without facing the raw truth of human nature, you can’t reach the core of the problem. Tama-san would strip away the pretty decorations everyone else used to hide behind and tell the story in an entertaining way.

To me, all those stories were fresh, interesting, and fascinating. Before I knew it, I was craving more, even getting drunk on them.

Master had pointed out that I was just intoxicated.

Tama-san isn’t a proper adult.

He is flawed beyond repair.

Even if you combined all my romantic history and past embarrassments, they wouldn’t hold a candle to him.

I still can’t fully grasp that.

But the reality Master showed me can’t be ignored either.

That’s why, even though my feelings for Tama-san haven’t changed, I’m not crying into my pillow—I’m just restless.

I haven’t been to Master’s shop since that day.

Normally, I’d go crying to Momiji, but there’s the matter of Kaede-chan too. She’s carrying something much heavier than my failed love, something that would make her want to cry.

Like Momiji, I’ve been putting on a brave face.

We’ve been having meals together once a week, only talking about surface-level things, skimming the surface of our lives.

College life is the same as ever. With Christmas approaching, I’ve been getting invitations to parties and events. I turned them all down, but I did accept an invitation to a Christmas party from a friend I made at university.

The glittering, glamorous college campus life. More than enjoying my youth, I wanted something to distract myself. After all, from 9 PM that night until 3 AM the next morning, the man I couldn’t let go of would be enjoying the holy night. If I stayed alone in my room, I might finally break down and cry.

On Christmas Day, I managed to get through it by throwing myself into the festivities.

There’s not much to say. It was just a fun party I was invited to as part of the decoration.

When I woke up, I was in an unfamiliar room, naked, with an unfamiliar man sleeping next to me. What did I do…?

That didn’t happen.

[T/N: Madoka is joking here, although in a tasteless way facepalms]

I woke up alone in my own bed, remembering taking a taxi home. I’d had a bit too much to drink and had a hangover, but it was nothing out of the ordinary for a college student.

After hydrating my parched body and taking a shower, I finally checked my phone.

There were four messages from Momiji.

They’d arrived last night. I hadn’t noticed because my phone was on silent.

There were no missed calls, so it probably wasn’t urgent. But when I opened them…

“No way…!”

I screamed in my empty room.

The words written there had that much impact.

“I found Kaede.”

After being missing for over half a year, Kaede-chan had finally been found.

She’d left no trace, no clues about where she’d gone. We’d been more worried about her life than anything else.

And now, she’d been found.

But I couldn’t breathe a sigh of relief. There was more.

“She was walking with a man.”

“Kaede…”

“She saw me and ran away.”

My voice disappeared.

I was glad she was alive, but the line about her walking with a man was a harsh reality that tore at my chest.

I’d known.

How does a girl like Kaede-chan find a place to stay after running away? How does she survive? …What is she giving in return?

She’s a girl who looks like Momiji. Anyone would gladly reach out to her, demanding something in return.

A girl with no social skills, not asking her sister for help, finding another way out through such means.

I don’t know if she’s staying with one man or moving from place to place.

The problem is that she ran away when she saw Momiji. It means she prefers her current life over returning home.

I can only imagine how much that shocked Momiji.

“So, as a friend, all you need to worry about is whether she’s alive or dead. Not whether she’s pure or tainted.”

Suddenly, I remembered Master’s words from long ago.

“Either way, your friend is going to suffer.”

That worry had become a reality.

I immediately called Momiji, but she didn’t answer. Like before, I rushed out of my room without a second thought.

I ran up the stairs and rang the doorbell to the room above mine, but there was no response. Unlike before, the door was firmly locked.

After running up and down the stairs once more, I unlocked the door with the key I’d been given. I’d kept it just in case something happened to Momiji.

I didn’t bother neatly arranging my shoes. I kicked them off and ran into the living room, where I finally breathed a sigh of relief.

Momiji was asleep on the sofa.

She must not have changed after coming home. Only her coat was discarded on the floor.

She’d found Kaede-chan, seen her walking with a man, and then watched her run away.

The sorrow must have left her unable to do anything. The state of the room showed as much.

Pencils, erasers, pencil sharpeners, and box cutters were scattered everywhere, along with other tools I didn’t even know the names of.

Momiji isn’t the type to be flexible, but she’s not just a study-focused bore either.

Pencil drawings. She’s been doing them as a hobby for a long time, and she’s quite skilled. Back in middle and high school, having Momiji draw something for you was a status symbol.

She once told me her childhood dream was to be a painter. But after seeing her father’s struggles, she knew it wouldn’t be allowed. With limited time, pencil drawings were the easiest and most convenient for her.

Had she drawn something last night to escape the shock of reality?

That couldn’t be it. I know Momiji’s personality well.

Why had she drawn? The answer was right in front of me.

A sketchbook lay open on the table, filled with what must have been Momiji’s work from an all-night drawing session.

Stepping on the torn papers and pencil shavings scattered on the floor, I leaned in to look.

“No way…”

It was the second time I’d uttered those words today. This time, they didn’t come out as a scream but slipped softly from my wide eyes, like tears.

For the fifth time, I believed I’d found a proper love—one that didn’t stray from societal rules or morals.

But I was told that wasn’t the case.

This love was something even my past failures couldn’t compare to. I was even told it was a good thing it didn’t work out.

A man beyond reproach, utterly despicable.

“Tama… san?”

Love is blind.

But even a blind person could see the reality depicted in that drawing.