Chapter 7

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【Tsuchiya Bunta】

 

“Uhhh… hmm… mmm…”

 

After finishing dinner, I found myself in the living room with my head in my hands.

It’s been two hours since I started this staring contest with my phone. Type a message, delete it. Type another, delete that too. Over and over.

Because the recipient is—

 

【Otaku-san’s Saint】

 

Gah, so bright! The letters—the letters are sparkling and glittering before my eyes…!

The SSS-rank vibes are off the charts!

My first-ever contact exchange being with Saint-sama—who could’ve possibly imagined that!?

Getting her contact info is nothing short of a reward… so why does this pressure feel so intense?

It’s like being handed a bag with five hundred million yen inside. Not that I’ve ever actually held one, but still.

 

For Saint-sama, who’s devoted only to Ura-chan, messaging me is purely informational—just a way to keep tabs on what Urakawa-san and I talk about.

I should probably avoid messaging her carelessly.

That said—

 

“But would it really be okay not to message her at all…?”

 

I’m Saint-sama’s fan. But my time chatting with Urakawa-san has also become precious to me.

With her sharp instincts, Saint-sama picked up on that fact right away and put me in check—that memory’s still fresh.

Those eyes said, “Don’t get too close to Ura-chan, okay? After all, you’re MY fan, aren’t you? Ufufu.”

Just remembering it sends shivers down my spine. That warning was terrifying.

Simply put, what’s being asked of me is proof that I’m a fan.

That she’s the only one I have eyes for.

That’s precisely why, in this situation, the best move would be to message Saint-sama.

I mean, come on—getting your oshi’s contact info and not messaging them? What’s that about?

Wouldn’t that make her suspicious?

Saying you’re a fan and all, but really you were after Ura-chan all along—wouldn’t she think that?

If that happens, my role as commoner sample gets terminated.

That’s something I absolutely, positively must avoid—!!

The fact that I’m a Saint-sama fan is undeniable!

Having that questioned is honestly pretty insulting, y’know!?

Just watching her from afar was pure bliss, but now I actually get to sit next to her!?

…Alright! My resolve is set. I’m sending it! I’m gonna do this! Courage. Muster your courage, Tsuchiya Bunta.

I’ll prove I’m a gentleman otaku—a well-mannered Saint-sama fan—and continue enjoying my commute with both of them!

Sending a message is no big de—

 

‘I’ve been watching you this whole time. These have been the happiest days of my life. But now, that’s not enough to satisfy me. Just keeping you at the edge of my vision—I can’t suppress these feelings anymore! So please, let me watch over you from right beside you.’

 

—This is BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is definitely BAD!! I’m seriously five seconds away from getting reported!

It might be my true feelings, but the moment I put them into words, they reek of danger!

No way!? Did I really type this message!?

Did I turn into a creep while I wasn’t paying attention?

This is way more horrifying than I expected! How did this happen!?

Of course I’m deleting it. Even if it’s supposed to prove I’m a fan, this makes me a dangerous guy (stalker)!

Calm down. Deep breaths. Inhale, exhale.

If I rewrite it more casually—

Keep it quick and simple—

 

‘I like you. Please stay somewhere I can see you from now on.’

 

Whoa whoa WHOA! What am I doooiiiiing!?

What if this turns into some complicated love triangle!?

“Ow…!”

I collapse forward from sheer embarrassment. Thunk—my face collides with the table.

The pain spreading across my forehead tells me this is reality.

I never imagined I’d be so hopeless that I can’t even send a single proper message.

My communication disorder has reached its peak.

Maybe I should downgrade my self-evaluation by three levels.

This is absurd. Absolutely absurd. If there were a hole, I’d want to crawl in—no, get buried in it.

 

“You’ve been muttering to yourself this whole time. I can’t watch this anymore.”

 

Right as I collapsed, my little sister Mai walked into the living room.

Her sharp gaze pierces right through me.

Looks like she just got out of her long bath. She’s drying her glossy long black hair by squeezing it between a towel.

Wait, hold on—that’s my favorite limited edition T-shirt! She borrowed it without permission again…!

Unlawful entry into her brother’s room and theft. There’s no excuse. No matter how you look at it, there are no extenuating circumstances.

 

But in the Tsuchiya household, such things are allowed.

My little sister reigns at the top of our family caste system and always gets first bath. Father and brother (me) have no dignity here.

Mai, who has high school entrance exams next year, is the complete opposite of me—brilliant mind, excellent athletic ability.

She has a charisma that draws people in, and combined with her sharp tongue and cool beauty, she’s amassed tremendous support, or so I’ve heard.

Apparently, I strongly inherited Dad’s genes, while Mai got Mom’s—that’s Dad’s theory anyway.

…D-Dad (I feel for you).

Let’s end this tragic introduction that victimizes people in all directions.

 

My sister looks utterly appalled after witnessing me agonizing.

Stop it, Mai. That hits where it hurts.

“A-actually, um, I made a friend.”

“The neighborhood cat?”

“A human!”

“Someone who can actually be friends with you shouldn’t exist in this world. The shock of the century.”

Apparently, just making one friend delivered the shock of the century. Lol. Wait, that’s not funny.

Mai obviously knows her brother has communication issues.

It’s no exaggeration to say my only playmate is my little sister. Actually, that’s just a plain fact.

As I mentioned, my dignity as an older brother has long since vanished, and of course, I have no authority over her.

“If you won’t believe me, then just leave me alone.”

“Fine, I believe you. Tell me what you’re worrying about.”

Mai says this sounding somewhat annoyed.

I have plenty I want to say, but I’m grateful she’s showing interest.

There are plenty of siblings in the world who don’t even talk to each other.

“It’s my first time messaging someone outside the family, so I don’t know what to send.”

“‘What are you up to’ is enough.”

“No way!”

I jump to my feet at her reckless suggestion.

“Why not?”

“Prying into someone’s private life right off the bat!? The bar’s too high! What if they find me annoying!?”

“Your overreaction is what’s annoying.”

Saint-sama is undoubtedly of noble standing. It’s easy to imagine she attends lessons and social gatherings.

Depending on the situation, she might even be engaged in psychological warfare.

And during times like that, me—the commoner sample—sending ‘What are you up to’? Are you serious!?

Mai looks exasperated at my reaction. That said, there was no contempt in her expression.

We might be a bit odd, but this is how the Tsuchiya siblings communicate.

I actually quite like this dynamic that doesn’t feel like the difficult period of adolescence.

If someone called me a siscon, they might be right. Well, I’m not denying it anyway.

“I want to cherish my first-ever friend. Can’t you think about this more seriously?”

“Lightly greet them and say you’d like a reply when they have time—that’s best.”

“That’s why I said no!”

“I don’t understand. Explain why it’s no good.”

“What if they’re too busy and have no free time!?”

“You’re being way too neurotic.”

“Then let me ask you this—what if they read it and ignore me?”

“Just don’t worry about it.”

“Hmph. You’ve never been rejected, so you don’t know, Mai.”

“Know what?”

“The block function! Friends who can’t read the room get their diplomatic relations severed!?”

I’ve already studied up on passive features. The power to display foresight when it comes to getting ostracized—others call this negativity.

Ugh, even saying it myself makes me depressed.

“Is Mai okay with your big brother getting mind-crushed!?”

“I don’t mind.”

“…” (Buwaaah) ← (Tear ducts on the verge of collapse)

“You’re taking society too lightly. Crying won’t solve your problems.”

My sister is cold.

“Be nice to me! I’m your one and only brother, so be nice!”

As I can only beg, Mai mutters, “…In the first place, you don’t need friends. I’m the only contact you need.”

It seems the string of her patience snapped with her annoying brother. She wore a slightly displeased expression.

I-I’m sorry for being such a useless older brother!

“There’s one groundbreaking solution.”

“Huh, what!?”

“Make your little sister your accomplice.”

Mai tilts her head at a calculated angle with a bewitching smile.

She truly is a fallen angel. Being family means I’m not moved as a man whatsoever, but I can’t help thinking she must be popular outside.

This much sex appeal as a middle schooler. Your big brother’s already worried about his little sister being possessed by something demonic!

Mai gradually closes the distance.

Wait, what!?

Overwhelmed by the atmosphere, all I can do is back away.

This must be what a frog feels like when stared down by a snake. I’m gonna get eaten…!

Eventually, I’m cornered against the living room door.

Mai clings to me, grasping my hand, and brings her refined face close to my ear.

“Hwahh!?”

A reaction like a girl being kabedon’d.

Except it’s coming from the brother, not the sister, so I can’t hide my shock.

This, um, isn’t this supposed to be the other way around!?

“—I should’ve done this from the start.”

“Mai!?”

“No need to be scared. When we fall to hell, we’ll go together.”

Truly a devil’s whisper.

Fall to hell… what are you planning!? What are you planning to do to your brother!?

Completely frozen by this unfamiliar way of being approached.

Dominated by tension and anxiety, what awaited me was—

 

“—Just wait for them to message you first. Reverse psychology.”

“Wait, huh!?”

 

A complete thought-abandonment move.

She must’ve found dealing with her argumentative brother utterly tiresome.

An unexpected sneak attack.

“Anyway, go take your bath. When you’re done, bring cola and pizza to my room.”

“What about the message!? Wait, weren’t you going to help me think of something!?”

“I did think. You’re the one who rejected it. Besides, I never message people first. They just come to me. In fact, I often ignore them.”

“Whoa there! My little sister’s human level is way too high!”

Not the one being chased, but the one being chased after. That’s the power of my sister who captivates others.

She and her brother agonizing over message wording are worlds apart.

That said,

“Isn’t waiting for them to message me first pretty passive? Won’t that make a bad impression?”

“Enough already.”

You’re the one agonizing over the wording, aren’t you—her eyes practically roar this anger at me with sound effects.

Looks like my sister’s stepped into the realm of being able to kill with her eyes. Is she a yakuza or what?

“If you can call it a friendship, it shouldn’t matter who messages first. I at least don’t care about that.”

“O-oh, is that how it works…?”

“Obviously. If you’re worrying about such trivial things, you can’t call it an equal relationship.”

“I see. That’s educational.”

Without realizing it, a seminar by my little sister had begun.

“If you’re confident you made a friend, there’s no need to force it. That’s more convenient for me too since I won’t get—I mean, that works better.”

“Yeah, thanks. Though I wish you’d hidden your true feelings. That correction didn’t help at all.”

So she thinks I’m pestering her…! Is that what sibling bonds are like!?

Your big brother’s shocked enough to cry!

“Because I can’t lie to you—I’m a beautiful little sister.”

“Isn’t that a bit thick-skinned? Being able to exploit your inability to lie to your brother like this is actually impressive.”

“I’m flattered.”

“I’m not complimenting you! You’re totally making fun of me, aren’t you!? When I get out of the bath, you better be ready. Today’s the day I’ll make you understand the greatness of your older brother—at Watermelon!!”

 

—If you’re really friends, who messages first is trivial and doesn’t matter.

Convinced by that explanation, I followed my sister’s instructions and went to take a bath.

While soaking in the tub, I ruminate on my sister’s words.

“…Hmm.”

What she’s saying isn’t wrong, I think.

But somehow it bothers me.

Like a fishbone stuck in my throat.

 

If there was an oversight at this moment—

It was that I used convenient logic to excuse my own cowardice, that Mai assumed the friend I mentioned was male, and that I had no way of knowing that fact.

The price for averting my eyes when I should’ve mustered courage would develop into a situation even I couldn’t believe.

 

【Maid】

 

Greetings. I am Omotekawa Yui-sama’s fan number one, Maid.

My daily routine of observing Ojou-sama—allow me to report the recent developments.

Recently, Ojou-sama has been checking her phone quite frequently. Glancing, glancing at it constantly.

After returning home, Yui-sama seems somewhat absent-minded, shall we say.

For a high school student, being glued to one’s phone is hardly unusual.

However, Yui-sama has never displayed such behavior before.

This makes it all the more precious a sight.

She appears expectant, and also seems to be looking forward to something.

Of course, there’s also tension and anxiety mixed in.

This—I smell something.

My instincts as an Ojou-sama fan are screaming at full blast.

Could she be waiting for a message from Otaku-san!?

“Maid-ch—”

Hah! I thought I heard Ojou-sama calling for me.

Sensing Yui-sama’s ki, I activate one of the Maid secret techniques: 【Instant Teleportation】.

“Did you call for me?”

“Whoa, you scared me! Where’d you come from!?”

“From nowhere in particular.”

“That’s not an answer…”

“I heard your voice calling me, so I used 【Instant Teleportation】 to arrive.”

“Instant Teleportation!?”

“It is a maid’s refinement.”

“Maids don’t have that kind of refinement…”

Yui-sama stares at me with an exasperated look… Good! A beautiful girl’s sharp gaze is good!

“What do you need?”

“I have so many things I want to say… but can I get some advice?”

“Of course.”

“Um… what I’m about to talk about is about a friend, okay? Keep it confidential, please.”

She hesitated for a moment before giving such a preface…

It seems there’s no doubt this is about Yui-sama herself! It’s completely obvious.

I nearly let a smile overflow at this heartwarming scene.

“Leave it to me.”

“What’s with that know-it-all look? Your smugness is kinda annoying.”

Perhaps my triumphant hmph didn’t sit well with her.

Yui-sama pouts her lips and blood vessels appear on her forehead.

Even her angry face is precious…!

As I go click click with the Maid secret technique 【Secret Photography】,

 

“L-let’s say, hypothetically…”

Ojou-sama…! Your voice—your voice is cracking! That perfect superhuman act you put on outside is nowhere to be seen.

Gap moe!!

“If you got the contact info of someone you admire or your oshi, right?”

Gap moe!!

“You mean like if I obtained Ojou-sama’s contact information?”

“Wouldn’t you get excited and send a message instantly? You’d be happy and do it right away, normally.”

 

Well, well. Her cheeks are flushed—is it embarrassment mixed with irritation?

My maid collection (photos) is growing.

With an IQ over 180, I, the head maid, dedicate my full brainpower to my title.

I deduce the developments that led Yui-sama to seek this consultation.

Recently, Ojou-sama has been keeping her phone on her person at all times.

Her gaze being drawn to it constantly—anyone could see she’s distracted.

This means she’s already exchanged contact information with Otaku-san.

That Ojou-sama, who only had family and servants registered…!

…Sniff. I cannot speak of this without tears. I absolutely must give her a push here.

I think even more deeply.

Otaku-san still hasn’t contacted her, leaving her feeling restless—that’s the situation, I’d say.

Her inability to settle down and constantly checking her phone after returning home is proof enough.

From what Yui-sama has told me, it’s easy to imagine Otaku-san is a timid boy.

Furthermore!

Otaku-san is such a huge fan that he calls Ojou-sama Saint-sama.

Likely, precisely because he admires her, he can’t bring himself to send a message.

I understand Yui-sama’s anxiety painfully well, as well as Otaku-san’s feelings of struggling to muster courage.

After all, I too am a fan of Ojou-sama!

 

“If it were me, humbly speaking…”

“Yeah?”

“I believe I would struggle to send it and feel quite restless.”

“Huh, why!? You love me so much, Maid-chan! If you got your oshi’s contact info, wouldn’t it be instant?”

“Precisely because you care, you become considerate. Especially if you don’t want to be disliked, don’t want to be disillusioned, don’t want to cause trouble… when feelings grow strong, it wouldn’t be strange to become completely bound up.”

 

This is a favor to you, Otaku-san.

I look forward to you continuing to show me more of cute Ojou-sama.

“Feelings… I-is that how it is?”

Yui-sama seems embarrassed by my advocacy. She crosses her arms and looks away.

Until now, Ojou-sama has been required to conduct herself as the young lady of the Omotekawa Group.

The crystallization of that effort is ‘Omote-chan,’ needless to say.

The point where Otaku-san differs from everyone else is that he built a friendly relationship with her true self, Ura-chan.

Yui-sama is likely inwardly delighted to have made a friend she can talk to without pretense.

 

“If it bothers you that much, why not advise Ojou-sama to message him herself?”

“Huh!? That makes it sound like I’M waiting for a message from Otaku-kun!”

 

Ojou-sama!!!! You’ve become—you’ve become a ponkotsu!

You just said Otaku-kun—it slipped out! Where did the “friend’s consultation” setup go!?

Could it be that you’re not even aware that you’re eagerly waiting for his message!?

 

“If a girl messages first, it won’t be training, plus it’ll make him cocky—so no!”

 

You’ve stopped even trying to hide it!?

And “it’ll make him cocky,” you say.

You’ve been glancing at your phone all day and you can actually say that.

Precisely because I’m an extreme Ojou-sama fan, I can accept any appearance of yours, but even then, there are limits.

It would be better to do something about that slightly troublesome personality.

Of course, I could never say that aloud.

 

“Besides… even if I messaged him, I don’t know what to write…”

 

Therefore, Ojou-sama!!!! You have a habit of putting your own issues on a shelf!

Otaku-san is in exactly that state.

It wouldn’t hurt to be a bit more understanding.

However, your bashfulness is excellent!! So adorable! Regarding how our Ojou-sama is the cutest in the world.

If you showed him this side, everything would be resolved!

About to leap at my oshi’s irresistible behavior, I bite my tongue, then—

“Thinking of what to write when you don’t know what to write could be interesting in itself.”

“But I’d feel bad if I disturbed him…”

How maiden-like!

“Would it not be fine as long as you don’t force an immediate reply?”

“Being left on read would be even worse.”

That’s why I said maiden-like!

“If it’s proofreading, I believe I could be of service…”

“But Maid-chan, you’re single, right? Do you actually have experience with this stuff?”

Ojou-sama!!!!

What’s with those suspicious eyes!? You’ve finally said something you shouldn’t have! And here I was being so attentive as your listener…!

The maid grew furious. She resolved that she must eliminate this tyrannical Ojou-sama.

No, this is no time to become Melos. Though I’m quite annoyed internally, I won’t show my anger here.

“…!”

“The blood vessel on your forehead’s about to burst, Maid-chan. I hit the mark, huh? Sorry, sorry.”

Ojou-sama puts her hands together and apologizes with upturned eyes. That appearance is so adorable that I somehow regain my composure.

“…There won’t be a next time.”

“I’m really sorry—but I hate to ask, but I need your wisdom. Got any other ideas?”

Ojou-sama tilts her head at a calculated angle. It’s a sweet, pleading gesture.

The so-called finishing move. Before me lies nothing but devastating visual information. The secret technique that only those who can objectively recognize their own cuteness can activate.

My earlier anger blows away in an instant.

Even if I don’t have a brilliant idea, I must squeeze one out.

A moment where a maid’s very existence is questioned. I wring out my brain.

“…It’s not exactly a praiseworthy method, but…”

“Don’t keep me in suspense—tell me quick.”

“Creating a situation where he has no choice but to contact you would be effective.”

“Huh, there’s a trick like that?”

“For example—”

“Yeah, yeah?”

 

“—What if you didn’t show up for several days?”

 

At my suggestion, Yui-sama’s eyes widen.

As if to say, “A bolt from the blue.”

“Whoa, you’re actually really smart, Maid-chan! True, if I suddenly couldn’t meet him, he’d worry, right? Unlike before, there’s a way to contact me now, so it might be a good plan!”

“I am honored.”

Since we’re trying to get his attention, the ethics of the strategy are debatable, but seeing the delighted Ojou-sama makes me happy too.

However, if there was an oversight at this moment—it was that Otaku-san was far more of a coward than imagined.

 

To cut to the conclusion.

After switching from train commute to private car for one week, what awaited Yui-sama was ‘No Contact.’

I fully expected her to be dejected, but instead, her anger has been mounting day by day.

Apparently, Ojou-sama and Otaku-san have a relationship that’s not just friends, but also close to master and disciple.

She seems unable to sit still regarding her disciple’s incompetence.

I can’t help but think their relationship is peculiar.

Commoner sample, friend, a push-and-be-pushed relationship. And now, master and disciple.

Ojou-sama undid her braided half-up style and went straight, burning with flames of rage.

Cracking her knuckles, she transformed into her true nature—Ura-chan mode.

Oh my…!

 

“If that’s how he wants to play it, I guess I’ve gotta take this somewhere, huh? You think so too, right, Maid-chan?”

 

Eek! At first glance, she appears to be wearing a lady’s smile, but her eyes aren’t smiling at all!

M-my deepest apologies, Ojou-sama, Otaku-san. Because I made such a careless suggestion, things have turned out like this… However, to defend myself out of self-preservation—

 

They’re both equally at fault!